Hi. I feel like crap right now. I want to go for a run right now. To stop myself from crying. Haha. It sounds so stupid but why am I so afraid of people? So afraid of rejection. Looked up by so many, telling me I'm the only one they ever knew for being able to stay unbroken even when something isn't right. Well truth is... You obviously dont know who am i. You dont know me at all....

And truth is. I have such a confused heart. I dont know what to feel anymore. I'm so numb to anything and everything and I wonder when it'll stop. So many problems to think of solutions to at this age. What will happen later then? What other problems will I face? Will I be so much more numb that I end up just.... Really what would I feel? UGH.

Right after we got the news we were moving out to the other side of thw country.. I could literally feel my life shatter a moment there..

I could honestly feel. No I didnt feel anything. I just didnt want to and– yeah yeah I know i'm dwelling.on it but. It started there and then when I had to transfer schools. You know I dont feel comfortable around everyone and i'm not exactly comfortable being with everyone now but yes I thank God for bringing me to these people. Right so.. From there and then I didnt feel the will to study anymore. I just didnt want to learn in a different environment. I dont entirely blame the environment. Correction: I dont blame the environment around me being different. It's entirely my fault I can't adapt well and quick enough before the two years come to an end. Oh well.... How time flies and regret and guilt keep filling your conscience.

I've been working doubly hard for Math. But I got to admit. My other subjects are left on the shelves till dust wrap around them. I could care less if I actually had confidence in them. I dont have any confidence for myself; what more confidence in myself.